Thursday, February 17, 2011

Fipples Nipples

Sorry...I know you all were hoping for a picture of my foobs..Instead you got this ugly picture of me..
Hellooooo! Yes, I am still alive. I know you all have been wondering where I have been/why I haven't written in so long...Well, the honest truth is that this REALLY crappy thing happens sometimes....And that REALLY crappy thing is called LIFE. Between being a full time mom, working full time as a nurse, being a full time maid/cleaning lady at my home/personal cook, and everything in between, I have just about FREAKED THE fuck out. (To be quite honest.)  Nothing serious has happened,  just a bunch of LIFE, and a few nervous breakdowns and hormonal psychotic moments, multiple times a day... So yea. That's my excuse........

But the good news is that on Monday, I am GETTING NIPPLES!!!!!!!! YAY! This will be the last step to my reconstruction process. (Not counting areola tattoos) There really is light at the end of the tunnel. And the light at the end of that tunnel really resembles nipples. Hehe.   ( . )  ( . )

I am not getting nervous about getting nipples at all, but it's weird and kind of unnerving because I have become so used to seeing myself in the mirror, looking like mastectomy barbie doll. Being a woman, being a nurse, the overanalytical thoughts have begun to float inside my head, and are overtaking my brain lately....Thoughts like-"What if the nipples, or "fipples" (fake nipples) don't look right and it messes EVERYTHING I have had up to this point, up?".....Thoughts like-"What if the bloodflow to the fipples isn't adequate and one of my fipples falls off in the middle of the night and my dogs eat it?"  Thoughts like-"So my fipples are going to be ETERNALLY hard??"...Thoughts like-"What if the fipples deflate/flatten out? What's the point??" No pun intended there....Hehe....Thoughts like-"What if I don't like the fipples? It's not like I can just warm them up and they'll go away....." GAHHHHHH!!!!

But seriously. It's scary. Every fucking step to getting your breasts reconstructed is scary as hell. Yea, they are just boobs, and like I've said before....Boobs don't make you who you are.....But would you want your nipple falling off in the middle of the night? Would you want your husband to gently caress and kiss your nipple one night and then get a mouth full of nipple? This is serious stuff....

But on to the more serious/medical stuff.....Because if I keep freaking about my future fipples falling off, then I am not going to sleep at all tonight. And you probably won't either....And you probably aren't going to look at your own nipples the same way for a while, huh?? 

 My plastic surgeon that performed my surgeries will be doing my nipple reconstructions in her office. She said it will take about an hour, and she will only use local anesthesia. There's no need for general anesthesia because I have no feeling at all on my boobs, due to the fact that they cut them off (I had a double mastectomy...DUH!, and I now have silicone implants...(FYI-if you are new to my blog, you need to go WAY back to my older posts to catch up...Starting in July...) There are places on my foobs that I have some sensation, but over 97.3% of my foobs have absolutely no feeling at all... My doctor said that I won't even require pain medication and can even go shopping afterwards......But then the THOUGHTS enter............

"What if my fipples are bloody for a couple of days? I can't walk around with bloody fipples...that would freak the crap out of people..."

"What if one of the nipples starts falling off and starts taking the skin off my foob with it and I can't feel it? Then my muscle/silicone implant would plop out on the ground randomly...Weird alien shit there."

"What if the doctor accidentally pierces or cuts too deeply into my skin while doing the procedure and ruptures one of my implants????????????


So anyways..(See I told you I have multiple psychotic/hormonal moodswings on a daily basis...I warned you!) .She will use a "CV flap" method to form the nipples....She won't have to take skin from any other part of my body or anything like that...The skin that she will use to make the nipples is the skin on my breasts......Here is an illustration of it to kind of give you an idea...

I realize this isn't a boob and a nipple, but you get the idea...
 There's a lot of other methods of "making" nipples, I guess it just depends on the surgeon..And by the way, there is an old school method where they take skin from your VUUULLLLVA and use that skin to make a nipple. My opinion-if your doctor wants to do that method to make a nipple, RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN! And if the surgeon happens to be a man, ask HIM how he would like it if part of his WEEWEE was cut off to make a nipple when there are other, much easier and less painful methods....And then kick him.In the weewee.

I will attempt to take pictures during the procedure because my doctor is just cool like that and lets me do stuff like that, but if not, either way, you know I will be eager to post pictures of my fipples as soon as I can. So stay tuned for Angela's fipples....And remember.......

Go ahead and google "nefarious". I know you want to.


Krys said...

You seriously crack me up. Whenever I end up having my surgeries I'm totally going to come back and read all of your blog to remind myself of the humor that really does exist in our crappy situation.

Oh, and your fipples will be just fine! A good BRCA friend of mine got hers done over a year ago and it's been totally fine and they definitely haven't been eaten by dogs. :)

aslatenrn said...

Thanks, Krys! I guess we always have to worry about something, huh? That's part of being a woman...BLAH! Haha.

So I read that you are looking into surgery, you just don't know when? Don't rush! You have confirmation with that breast MRI that you are okay right now, and probably for a long time, and there is nothing freaky going on in your boobs at this moment. Enjoy life, girl! We only live once, and we are blessed to be able to know our fate and know that we can change it. ;)

TeawithFrodo said...

Seeing your smiling face is a lot more telling and reassuring to me then just seeing your boobs.
As someone who will be going through the same surgeries it puts me at ease to know that I will be able to smile and look just as comfortable again.

Anonymous said...

Dear Angela

just wanted to say how proud i am of you! your such a great mother and friend to us and you have came along way! keep it up FRIEND!!!!
love the Garcia Family

aslatenrn said...

Thank you guys! We have to remember to smile and (try) to find the light and humor in all of life's situations, whether they be wonderful or shitty. It makes it easier on ourselves and makes the burden of everday's stress, not become so overwhelming. Try to remember that!

Hua said...

I love your humorous take on this, it made my day!


Anonymous said...

Thank you very much for blogging your story. I am so grateful for your willingness to share photos and your thoughts along the way. You humor lighten me up. I tested BRCA- after my dx and surgery in June 2010. Strong family history could result in a recurrence and there's no way i want to go through radiation again - even tho' I had MammoSite. Your blog has given me a great deal of comfort if I face this decision again. My cancer was just like me...positive and aggressive: ER+, weakly PR+ and HER2+, 3mm IDC, 3mm precancer, node neg.
A book I think you would appreciate is: The Soul Support Book by Deb Koffmann - it has helped me remember to be open and adjust my perspective at times.
God Bless and best wishes for a long, healthy life to enjoy those lovely children and your husband.
Wendy W

Michelle said...

Oh my good grief! You are TOO funny. I wish I'd found your blog sooner. I'm two and a half weeks post op from my mastectomy and am in the middle of the nastiness of recovery..drains, sleeping in the recliner, stinky, etc etc. You made me crack up! I've had a crappy day so THANK YOU! I definitely needed that!

Lucita_Streetola said...

Im so glad someone else with the same view as I have has had the guts to write it all up.. Ive been venting through art and a diary and Im ever so glad I randomly found this page. Im waiting on the fipples also... but Im only a week out of the squidgey foob op..You have honestly made a lot of people feel a lot better about what they re going through xoxo

Anonymous said...

Hi Angela,

I am a student at the University of St Andrews, Scotland and I am currently doing a research project on the role of online blogs for individuals impacted by cancer. I was wondering whether I could talk to you about your opinion. If you are willing, please email me. Thanks :)


Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for your funny, insightful, honest information. I am BRCA2 + and will see the plastic surgeon in January for mastectomy discussion. Am considering nipple/skin sparing with implants for more natural (ha!) look. I am 44, petite fit/ health conscious (I am a R.D. but wish I would have done nursing) and realize I am very fortunate not to already have had cancer. Two younger cousins have already had total mast. with fipples due to BRCA. I had TVH 4 wks ago and feel fine and am so relieved that I did not have ovarian cancer. A gyn. oncologist did the laparoscopy/vaginal hysterectomy and this is the way to go. Am now on Estrogen and have no menopausal signs. Please update your blog with how you are doing.
Thanks again! Jane
p.s. You look beautiful!

Anonymous said...

Hi Angela,
I have really enjoyed reading your blog! It has really enlightened me in a tough time with lots of decisions to make! I can relate to you because I am an RN myself and also a mother of two! I have had 2 abnormal mammo's in the last year with last one "atypical hyperplasia". I have a VERY strong family history, including my mother and nearly every female on that side. So I have decided to have a PBM with tissue expander reconstruction on May 2nd. I am headed for the "countdown till surgery" and scared to death! I know it is the right thing to do because I need to be healthy and strong for my husband and boys. I just wanted to thank you for sharing your thoughts, advice, and experience! It has really helped me prepare for this journey ahead! Hope you are doing well!
Thanks, Kristy

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