Wednesday, December 1, 2010

So.Fair warning....I'm gonna bitch..If you don't want to read it or whatever, then that's your problem, so click the little box with the "x" in it, up at the upper right hand corner......NOW....So anyways.....I've been sick since the day after Thanksgiving, which is also the day our propane/gas went out, and IS STILL OUT (It just ran out....We pay our bills..We ain't no scum that don't pay our utility bills, alright?)  Anyways...And of course, every night has been freezing, literally, and we have no heater because of it....The people at the gas company say "The truck is broken down, so it'll be a while until we can get someone to come and fill the tank up with more propane." Wow....So much for customer service, eh? So my poor kids have been having to bundle up at night, with extra blankets on their beds, just to stay warm....On top of that, I can't cook (not that I would really want to with me being sick as shit), but still...Our stove and oven are gas.......And I've been sick, and am not getting better, in fact, I think I just keep getting worse....Maybe it's because WE HAVE NO FUCKING HEAT IN MY HOUSE!

Oh, and did I mention that I cannot afford to be fucking sick right now? I HAVE SURGERY IN 6 DAYS! I am on an antibiotic, I have been staying hydrated, been trying to rest as much as possible, but am I getting better? NOOOOOooooOOOooo. Hmmmm.... I wonder why...... Do you think a little thing called "stress" has anything to do with it? Even though I THINK in my mind I am ready, not anxious at all about this surgery,the bottom line is that it's still surgery....Boob related surgery....(Well, foob related, now, considering I don't have boobs anymore).  Any boob/foob related surgery takes me back to those childhood days of when my mom was having to have surgery, and I was scared and didn't understand why my mom was gone for weeks at a time, or why she was so sick, or even why she had to have her breast removed....It is a source of stress whether I like it or not.....I accept that....Now dealing with that-That is another story...

And I guess for all this to happen this time of year, which brings back memories of my mom's last days, her funeral, which was very traumatic for me, etc......Yea...It still very much affects me. And right now, my body is exhausted....My mind is exhausted..I can't focus at work because I'm sick and exhausted and stressed...I don't have much fight in me right now.....Stress fucking sucks dirty balls. I hate it.

So ye.There ya go...Sorry...I can't be a ray of fucking sunshine all the time....And if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as fuck don't deserve me at my best...

I hope I'll be able to write one last time before my surgery on Tuesday....I want to kind of put an outline of pictures on here, from day one of my mastectomies, up until now....And of course, I will post pictures of my new squishy foobs after the surgery next week...But if I have got to get better, or else there is not gonna be a surgery....That is not going to happen!

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