LIVE

The most basic human instinct is the desire to live. Our bodies are constantly trying to maintain homeostasis, (balance, for all of those of you who haven't the slightest idea what I'm talking about), and our autonomic nervous systems know when and how to "turn on" when needed, in order to save our organs and our bodies...Our lives...

Okay, so now that you got a quick refresher course in biology, I can move on....I say the most basic instint for a human being is to live. And in my opinion, that is what I am doing, with having this surgery. I want to live. Now that's not to say that after my surgery, I won't get hit by a car, a plane won't crash into my house, or a giant King Kong won't smash through my door and I will die-I can't possibly prevent those things. But getting cancer, BREAST cancer,  that I can prevent. I can cut my risk by 90% by having my boobs taken off. I want to live. It's funny, because after my mom died, when I was 14, the years that came after that, I wanted nothing more than to die. Literally..And I even came pretty close a couple of times. So to hear myself say that I want to LIVE, and want nothing more than to LIVE, shows how much I have grown. Not only as a person, but I guess spiritually, mentally, emotionally, etc, etc, etc....

I would like to say that I am doing this for myself..But how can anyone having a PBM really do such an extreme thing, solely for themselves?   We all have alterior motives. We want to be alive to see our children, or even future children, grow up. We want to grow old with our husbands, or future husbands..We want to be able to hold our grandchildren someday, and maybe even our great-grandchildren!  We don't want our children to have to see their mommy go through intensive chemotherapy sessions, and numerous doctor's appointments, and have to become familiar with the term "Cancer". No child should have to. We don't want to die. We want to live. So that's why I say that, in my opinion, we don't go to this extreme measure of having our breasts removed to be dramatic, or as some say, to "get attention", or whatever. I am getting my breasts removed to be able to live a long life with my family. I am also doing this to honor my mom and her fight with breast cancer.  After seeing what she went through, there's no way I want to go through that. I don't think I could be as strong as she was. It scares me. She is a true survivor in my eyes, even though she is gone, because she lived life without complaining, and she had that drive to live..More than anyone I know.

Tonight, my town is having "Relay for Life", and I will be walking in honor of my mom. I will be walking in her memory and in honor of her drive to live. Even though she is not living here on earth anymore, she is living strong in me and in my decisions to have this surgery. I fully believe that she has been with me every step of the way throughout this whole ordeal, and with knowing that, I'm ready...I'm ready to live.