I just really miss my mom...And this time of year-Thanksgiving-always brings back those memories of my mom's last days...And that awful Thanksgiving night. Thanksgiving has never been the same, obviously.
For those of you who still have your mom to talk to, to laugh with, to go shop with, to spend the holidays with.....Be thankful for her. Be thankful for that. I was never able to feel what it's like to have a mom to call every few days, just to talk to about things, to talk about life/kids/marriage/job/etc.......My mom passed away when I was 14, and I hadn't even started my period yet, so my journey to womanhood was pretty much learned on my own.(NOT fun, let me add)...
It's not that I get bitter or anything when I hear girls talk about spending time with their moms, (but I guess in a way I do...How could I not), I just get kind of curious and sad as to what my life would be like if my mom was still alive..If cancer hadn't killed her..I wonder what it's like to be have a mom to cook with, to share recipes with, to be able to actually make Thanksgiving traditional meals with....I wish my kids could have their Grandma Candy, because I know she would have loved them so much.
4 comments:
wow.
sometimes when i am reading your blog posts, it's as if you are blogging about my very own feelings. i have similar emotions about easter since my mother died over the easter weekend, a day after good friday. i was 15.
i find it very healing to be able to validate my emotions against yours to know what i am feeling is normal.
thank you so much for this post.
rach
Losing a mom is hard...It was hard..Still is... going through trying to deal with her death as a teenager literally almost killed me...I am able to talk about it now, and I hope that through talking and blogging about it, I am able to reach others...So I am glad that we share that connection, Rachel. And believe me, I am in no way normal, but I dont think there is any correct definition of "normal". So I always say that whatever feeling you are feeling, that is the right and normal feeling for you....
losing my mom almost killed me too. i dealt, or should i say i didn't deal with losing her by cutting (self-mutilation) and abusing prescription drugs. thankfully, i never got into street drugs...but i tried at one point and that had horrible consequences of opening my mind up to the awful world of anxiety.
a few years ago, i was so depressed and anxious that i thought i was going to end my life for good. that scared me, so i sought counseling and was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.
thankfully, bpd is treatable and i underwent 2 years of counseling and group therapy called dbt (dialectical behavioral therapy).
dbt literally saved my life...but in essence, i saved my own, because i was willing to learn all the new coping skills and strategies and make them work. i think i could still benefit from some cognitive therapy.
no one has ever really touched upon it on the force boards, but i wonder how common cutting might be in a woman who has lost her mother at a young age. it seems still to be a taboo subject.
i am in no way implying or assuming you have dealt with things in the same way i have (cutting), but i just wanted to let you know that i totally relate to nearly dying myself at the loss of my mother.
hugs,
rach
btw, i haven't cut in almost 2 years:)
Wow, Rachel. I bet these issues are a lot more common than we think...My issues started out as eating disorders....Anorexia/bulimia....Then turned into bipolar type of stuff and I almost succeeded at killing myself multiple times...I actually was hospitalized twice for trying to commit suicide during my teenage years after losing my mom. The attempts were basically screams for help..But I didnt want to accept it, and wanted to just die, actually...
I got caught up in drugs and alcohol quite a bit in highschool, as well as my first year of college....I actually dropped out of college my first year because of it, and lived in my car for a while due to that shit. Then I met my husband.....
It wasnt until I was about 20 years old until I finally 100% accepted my moms death...I had gone through counseling all those teenage years, and it didnt work for me. I had to come to acceptance on my own terms.
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